Michael Mcintyre

Tuesday 29th September

Another standard school day. Culminated with a guitar lesson where I learnt how to play Eleanor Rigby. I love that line in the song; 'wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door'. It's one of my favourite lyrics ever.
I got a little ill and so went to bed really quite early and didn't write.

Wednesday 30th September

I always say that you are almost guranteed to have a good evening if you spend a lot of it laughing. The situation is irrelevant because usually the more you laugh the better time you have. That's why going to Michael Mcintyre was so brilliant this evening. It was an early birthday present from my parents and I took five friends with me.

Aside from being in a constant state of amusement for two hours, it was impossible not to notice just how incredible Michael Mcintyre is at his job. Occasionally I would sit there in awe as to how he managed to effortless get 35,000 people giving their undivided attention. I'd love his job and learnt the answer to the question 'what would your dream job be?'.

My rugby coach was disgusted when I told him I'd be missing training because of a chest infection. So I played. I hated the idea that he thought I was being a pussy.
It annoys me when people aren't big enough to stick to their decisions and that makes me a hypocrite. Throughout the session I was engulfed in fits of coughing and never should have been playing. I learnt that I have to stick my neck out and care less about what some insignificant games teacher thinks. That applies to a lot of other things too. If you care too much about the impression you give off then you end up being trampled upon by those around you as you're so willing to adapt to what they want. I learnt that I have to start putting my own interests first.

The Whole Jewish Thing

I fasted today for Yom Kipur.
Kind of.
I may have had a few cheddar strips...some bread...and an ice cream...but apart form that I DEFINITELY fasted.
It's the first year I haven't properly gone through with it in quite some time. It used to be parentally forced upon me or at least heavily encouraged but as I reach my 18th birthday I keep noticing how much more independence my parents are giving me. That's saying a lot seeing as I'm one of the few people I know who still has a curfew and isn't allowed into the kitchen when I get home in case I 'wake the dog'.
That's my dog, Indie. She looks cute but is probably possessed by the doggy devil.

Today for instance on the way to synagogue I announced that I was only going to stay for 45 minutes and then walk home. That's what I did, without any protest or further discussion. It took 45 minutes to walk home and it went incredibly quickly. I really like long walks. It's as if you go into some sort of trance in which your thoughts and surroundings battle for your attention.
I learnt that I really must be growing up if even my parents are beginning to treat me more like an adult (with that said my Mum did attempt to rearrange my sock draw today). The whole Jewish thing usually acts as an impenetrable wall to anything I may or may not want to do but even that's starting to erode now.

I learnt I can't stand it when somebody calls me 'Sammy'. It makes me feel about four years old and I HATED being four.

Portray to People

26th September

After a solid first half performance the rugby team began to fade and we dragged ourselves off the pitch shattered, disappointed and embarrassed by the final score line. There’s a reason why the rugby teams at my school are so united - we’re united through defeat rather than victory. It’s easy to turn around and start blaming your team mates but that’s never happened at my school.
“It must be shit to play for them” said one spectator. Strangely it isn’t. Not really.
Even though we go into almost every game knowing that the chances are stacked against us we continue to seek improvement and want each other to do well. The key to our regularly downfalls is confidence and when we lose again we have a choice of how to respond.
I learnt that often one of two options left is to take positives out of a difficult situation. This applies to the batterings taken by my team but also to much more. The other is to feign interest in the match and concentrate more on what you’re doing after it ends than marking your opposite number. The latter is the easier option but the former, although far more difficult and slightly annoying, is more beneficial. Hardly a revelation but important to remember nonetheless.

For the evening I was extremely tired from having such an early start, a rugby match and barely any sleep the night before.
At my friend’s house I lounged around, falling asleep and just generally lacking energy. I learnt a bit about the image I portray to people. Apparently when I’m tired and quieter people think something is bothering me. I never realised that it was so noticeable when I wasn’t at 100%. I got home too tired to write an entry and slept like a really tired log.

27th September

I spent the afternoon with a friend who lives round the corner from me. We just sat out on my balcony for ages enjoying the sun. Unfortunately she is naturally tanned and I am painfully pale. In fact, I’m so pale that I’m like one of those fish where you can see their organs.
Aside from emitting my white glow it was a really nice way to spend an afternoon. I learnt that it’s unnecessary to hesitate about arranging to see somebody just because you haven’t seen in them for ages. I if you think ‘I’d quite like to see…’ then you should get hold of them right then.

Back Seat

After ending a driving lesson at my friend's house he proceeded to drive me home for the best part of his lesson. He's only just begun driving so when he indicated right after being told to turn left and made several jittery gear changes it inevitably lead to mockery. He was actually rather good for his third drive - much better than I was anyway.
As I was sitting in the back seat, reading an old copy of The Sun and occasionally making a remark about the quality of his driving or the Page Three model I realised something.
I remember when I was at the same stage of learning that he is at currently and how impossible it all seemed. I remember not going into third gear for the whole hour out on the road and how frustrating it is when that annoying bastard behind you beeps their horn at you - the poor, innocent learner - when you're nothing more than ‘Bambi on road’.
I've been learning how to drive far longer than he has and therefore I know more about it. So I could see where he was going to make mistakes and where he wasn't.
The point I'm seemingly struggling to make is that this subtle observation can be applied to the lessons learnt in a lifetime. Bare with me here. People, generally, seem to go through a series of mutual situations at different times. Whether it's a relationship, work or family hardship the chances are somebody you know has been through it before or a variation of such. From their experience they move forward, suffer, mature and have a mixture of responses. Subsequently they learn something but often don’t pass it on to others that it could aid. People often keep such issues and resulting potential advice to themselves because they don't want to come across as condescending or 'holier than thou'.
I couldn't tell my friend what to do in the car as that's the instructors job but nevertheless as this thought came into my head, I learnt that you're no help to anyone if you take the back seat and watch them make mistakes they don't need to make.

Im Sorry

When I started writing here I believed that it was really going get me somewhere. At first it started quite well. I would constantly try and achieve something, becoming annoyed when I wasn’t using my free time wisely and my attitude genuinely changed towards nearly everything. I started out writing things that were relatively thought provoking and interesting. In fact, many people have told me that, as well as how they preferred it when I wrote in that manner. Typically though my attempts to revert back to that style largely failed.
Despite this failure I'm not going to stop. It's still a challenge - not so much to see if I can 'learn something new everyday' - but to see if I can actually commit myself to something. Over analysing every day of my life is of little consequence and that's all I've been doing for the last few weeks. I'm not going to cease writing about ‘what I've learnt everyday’ because you can take lessons out of simple things, however, I'm not going to use this blog to be dishonest with myself. That was one of the reasons I decided to write a blog and not a diary – because I concluded that a blog could be scrutinized by others and that would deter me from lying to myself.
Yesterday I finally took a step back and stopped kidding myself over an issue that plagued the back of my mind for weeks. Even when that stopped I didn't resolve the issue, acted stupidly and upset somebody in the process. That goes some way to explaining my short post from last night.
I think if you're honest with yourself then you're in a far better position to be honest with others. That’s what I learnt today.
And for the record, from this point on ward, I'm going to rid the blog of ambiguous, 'non-entries' because they serve little purpose. Originally I thought that I had to write them down as this blog has the purpose of serving me and only me. I don't go around mentioning it to people. Yet recently I reread an old post and had no clue to what I was referring to. If even I am getting confused by my own ambiguity then surely it makes writing it redundant. I'll keep whatever is bothering me to myself because it’s boring and I would use my ‘problems’ (too much work, stressed – poor me) to try and ‘spice up’ a flat post.
I also once said; "this blog isn't an excuse for me to have a go at people or make assumptions of individuals"
This statement depicts the greatest contradiction I've probably ever committed. Two days ago I did exactly that and I've never felt so awful about how I have conducted myself. Sadly for me, feeling bad doesn’t change what I did or the effect it’s had.
So, to sum this up, I want to change the direction this blog is going. I wanted it to help me improve as a person and to help eradicate my complacency. This started as a harmless piece of fun and I don't want it to be anything other than that.
A series of school assemblies over the past two days have really opened my eyes. Five people from my school went to Romania to help underprivileged children. Their experiences were so moving and heartbreaking and almost brought many of us to tears. It's crazy that I worry about work or other things when I have it so incredibly easy in comparison. It finally hit me that I have to appreciate what I have and stop complaining about completely irrelevant things, especially through an insignificant blog like this.

I learnt how important it is to be honest with people I care about.

Natural High

I actually had a very nice day today. It's truly rare when I can say that because I'm so good at over analysing everything and then putting a negative spin on it. Irony.
I worked in my frees, handed in homework on time and everything seemed to click nicely. I went to the gym with a friend after school which was really laid back and enjoyable. My aim of our short workouts is to get her to do a press up, which so far isn't going particularly well...As of now she resmebles Bambi on ice and physically can't do it. Rather amusing for me.
I walked her to the tube station and she seemed really touched that I'd bothered to do so.
My guitar lesson went slowly today because I'm so incredibly exhausted. Last night took it out of me and I definitely won't be doing that again. Not until another one of my good friends turns 18 anyway...that's next week as a matter of fact.
I've been working on this English essay since six o'clock as my teacher wanted it to be almost as long as our coursework from last year. The coursework took us almost three months to perfect so I don't really know what he expects from the week we've had to finish this one.

I learnt how to play another song on guitar today but it's name evades me. I also learnt how to (horrifically) play bar chords.
I learnt that I don't need a proper gym partner to feel as if I've achieved something in that place. I learnt the natural high I get from the excersive is similar to the high everyone gets when you just get on well with someone.

Deputy-Head Boy

This has been the best Monday ever.
It was Ben's 18th birthday so a load of people all turned out for drinks at the pub after a few of us went out for sushi beforehand.
A mother and her daughter moved table for us so we could all sit together. They heard us mention it was Ben's birthday and gladly shifted tables. I forget that not all Londoner's conform to the stereotype of being cold.
I had far too much to drink for a school night but with that said, I'm nothing on Ben, who was laughing at anything that moved and had commissioned Rob to 'make sure he got home'. Not great from a deputy-head boy!
Rugby dragged along especially as I got there early to make sure my calf muscle was in working order. I could run just fine so it's all better. Phew.
I'm certainly not fit enough to write a thoughtful post tonight and it's also getting pretty late.
Today I learnt that having a close group of friends is one of the most invaluable things around. I will do everything I possibly can to make sure we never lose contact. Ever.
I learnt how to do another card trick and really impressed Matt with it at school.
I learnt how unexpected things happening with good friends or out-of-the-blue phone calls can are insignificant when you realise what really, really means something to you.

Just to clarify - I learn lots everyday at school. Analysing my day means that I can forcefully take things out of it and that gives me direction. The thinking behind this blog has totally altered my attitude to just about everything, albeit in a subtle way, and this new mind set makes me feel good! I take back the panic I spread in yesterday's post!

Cry for Help

Missed last night because I stayed at a friend's.

Family came round for dinner and my Grandpa came with. I never pictured myself having to help my him walk down the stairs. It's a very odd feeling. On the upside he couldn't stand about a week and a half ago.
You realise how great something is when you're close to losing it. It puts everYthing into perspective.

Later I went to a birthday party. The theme was 'services' so I went as the Secret Service - an excuse to wear a suit and look 'dapper'. Sadly, most people turned up in casual clothes and claimed to be 'undercover police'. Fortunately I looked fly so didn't really care.
Next came a long walk to another house party because the buses, after having caught sight of a dozen teenagers decided to drive off. I can't really blame them.

In general yesterday was one of the funniest experiences I've had.

Anyway. Yesterday I learnt how to play Imagine on guitar, albeit badly. I learnt how to enjoy it when my family come round all at once and that even if my friends can be incredible embarrassing sometimes I wouldn't trade them. Except maybe for an Xbox...always wanted one of those.

Today had a similar pattern to it. After coming back from a family lunch my Dad and I watched Spurs get thumped by Chelsea. Oh, the stick I'll get at school tomorrow. Can't wait.

I learnt about 'The Pioneers'. This was a children's movement in the USSR to indoctrinate young children. There's an entire chapter on it in The Whisperers. I learnt that I need a coherent homework timetable for each evening if I'm ever going to get all my work done.
Most importantly though I came to realise that this blog is slowly going downhill. I'm losing my enthusiasm for it. People have stopped mentioning that they read it to me. So I suppose this is a cry for help. If you're reading this then give me some ideas about what I could learn? Or perhaps a good topic to base a post upon - in the style of my first ever posts...I'm worried I'll soon start writing here out of self-imposed obligation rather than because I truly want to!

What a Fail

Working ceased at around 11.45pm last night and that's why I didn't post. I was completely shattered and had to do a politics essay on the contradiction within the term 'Liberal Democracy'. When I finished it I couldn't stay awake and flew into bed like a salmon. Using hindsight though I learnt that when you're in high pressure situations it's far better to relax. This is the opposite to how I usually think whereby I try to think harder and get everything done faster. I learnt that there isn't a more useful ally than a clear head. Except perhaps one with nuclear wareheads.

Now for today.

All my UCAS application has been completed including my personal statement. Universities will love it - on the condition they love pretentious, arrogant people who blow their own trumpets until their lungs explode...
Fortunately I'm told that any decent statement creates a sense of discomfort with it's author and that it's quite normal to worry about sounding like a prick.

My day did start pretty awfully. The teacher writing my reference approached me and said, "surprisingly for an English student your statement doesn't 'flow'".
Translation; "how can you possibly be studying English with a personal statement like that you illiterate fool?!"
My response was to rewrite almost the entire thing, which took up most of my free periods.

Rugby training today was intense. I couldn't finish the fitness drill and am embarrassed to admit it. I couldn't see clearly and I found it hard to balance. Extremely humiliating. Soon after, as if to add to this humiliation, my right calf muscle went and suddenly I could no longer run properly and was forced to sit out the rest of the session holding an ice back to my leg. What a fail.

I made no attempt to go out this evening as I wanted to watch Derron Brown attempt to get his viewers stuck to their chairs. Nothing happened. What a fail.

It's Rosh Hashana now.To some it is time for celebrating the Jewish new year but for me it means the following:
--> No Saturday lie in
--> Less time to work
--> Attending Shul
--> The family come over for dinner
When I first started to not care about my religion I felt rather guilty. All that history and pride seemed wasted on me. Now though I just feel detached from the whole thing and thus I go to shul, wish people Muzel Tov and obey some Jewish principles out of respect for my family's wishes. I think tradition is important even if you don't believe in what it stands for. If conforming to a tradition makes your family happy then in many cases it can be worth it. Besides, what's three days each year anyway? It's hardly a major sacrifice.
In past years I have tried hard to convince my parents that I shouldn't go to Synagogue at all. I was much younger and my parents could still comfortably force me into doing something even when I didn't want to. I was always of the impression that as I got older this would change it would only be a matter of time before they couldn't stop me from staying home. Part of me believes this to be true now but I know that it would upset a large portion of my family and, like I said, that doesn't seem worth doing.

Today I learnt that my fitness levels are PATHETIC. I need to intensify my efforts to go to the gym twice a week to fix this.
I learnt that eating MacDonald's before rugby training is a very misguided plan.
I learnt how to play an acoustic version of 'Use Somebody' by Kings of Leon on guitar.
I learnt that one of the best things for me to do after a difficult day is to watch an episode of Blackadder. Strange, I know, but it never fails to invert my bad mood.

Tired

It's 10.15pm and I'm going to go to bed straight after writing this.
I'm too tired to write a proper entry. Apologies to anybody who many be reading this.
Today I learnt that I need to work harder to get my confidence back in Rugby. So does the entire team.
I learnt that I want to apply to either University, Pembrooke, Christ or Corpus Christie at Oxford. I will spend the morning narrowing my choices down.
I learnt that I need more early nights.

Whoops.

This time yesterday: "I should regulate the amount of work I take on just in case it begins to drown me a little"

Whoops.

As of today I am responsible for:
-->The Leavers Video
-->Involvement in the Year Book
-->Helping out with the 6th Form Ball
-->Leavers Hoodies

I've wanted to be apart of making the Leavers Video since I heard such a thing existed. I didn't expect to be put in charge of it though...
With that said I'm delighted because I really believe we can make the best one yet! I will have a lesser roll in the other activities I've agreed to help with but there will still be a lot of work. I'm glad to help out as most of my close friends are leading the other tasks.
Work won't start until much later in the year when my current workload is reduced so it shouldn't be too bad!

After I went to the gym today I helped out at a year 7 parents evening. As you can imagine it's a riveting job - giving out labels and sheets to parents. Some of these parents come up to me (clearly a student) and say things like, "Hi, I'm Michelle...Dominic's Mum" or "Are you Mr. Roberts?" which is about the only entertainment of the evening. Says a lot.
One parent was my friends Mum and as she approached I got her sticker - Ms Chow - and passed it to her saying;
"Good to see somebody I know!" with a friendly smile.
She looked completely bemused. Then suddenly her face morphed into anger and she remarked "did you know it was me because I'm Chinese!?"
"No! Because you're Gavin's mum!". I've known Gavin since I was four and she said that she just didn't recognise me!

Even though there was no wrong doing - it was just a misunderstanding - it's interesting to see how sensitive people are about race.
Is it racist to impersonate an accent for example? If you say a stereotypical phrase in a given accent then I think most people would consider it so. But what if you just spoke in it? I think people would consider it 'more' racist to impersonate somebody from, lets say, India than the USA or Scotland. Maybe because the latter cultures are 'closer to home'?
I think the entire idea of racism is actually quite vague. It's a taboo word. It ends conversations or arguments and categorises a person into social isolation.
Would an Athletics commentator at the recent World Championships have been sacked for pointing out there were no white men in the 100m final? Or that a white man had never run under 10 seconds? That's just the truth. Facts.
People are so ridiculously sensitive and ready to fire out the 'R' word that it almost becomes daft!
That's more of a brief and poorly detailed afterthought. I didn't actually think about that at the time. It was too awkward to function properly...
I have to go and read The Whisperers by Orlando Figes now so...
Today I learnt that some people are just bad eggs and should be avoided. (This ambiguous comment won't go into further detail as this blog isn't a reason to create conflict).
I learnt how to play Honkey Tonk Women on guitar by the Rolling Stones. I'm pretty rubbish at it right now though!
I further learnt that Spotify is just the most amazing thing ever after I found out it had Mando Diao on it. They are this obscure Swedish band that I love. Nobody else does. I hope they're not actually shit.

Important Things

Never been this busy in my entire life. Since I got home after rugby today, at six, I've just been working and reading and editing my personal statement. I also accepted responsibility of writing an article for The Gower (my school's magazine) about the trip to Argentina in the summer. And to top that I'm still trying to stick to the principle of this blog. So a worry that I may have put too much on my plate has crept in...However, once my Oxford application has been sent off the workload will be massively reduced and I'll be able to be a bit more laid back about things. It's all quite intense at the moment. On the plus side it's helped to finally take my mind of other less important things.
I kept a diary about the trip to Argentina so hopefully that will aid my article, which I'm excited about writing. I think it's a really good idea to keep some sort of journal when you travel. I'm so lucky to have been able to go to some amazing places and I feel as I if I sell the place short if I don't remember it. Hence why I write down my experiences there. I have one for tour, one for Argentina and one for America so far - plus a handful of others from years ago.
School was spent talking to teachers about my application to Oxford but fortunately today I avoided a bollocking. I'm deciding on the college I want to apply to and finishing off my personal statement. So fortunately all this palaver will be out of the way by the end of the week!
Apologies for all this moaning. I know how lucky I am to have the 'problems' that I have!
Anyway these posts filled with waffle are really getting on my nerves so I am going to try harder than ever to come up with an interesting topic to discuss here over the coming days.
Today I learnt that you should never be afraid to ask for advice. I usually hate asking my teachers for personal advice. It shouldn't be that surprising that after 6 years they actually care.
I also learnt that I should regulate the amount of work I take on just in case it begins to drown me a little.

An Extra 90 Minutes

I’m glad to say that I was involved in one sporting victory this weekend. Athletic Bilbaum, the Sunday League team I play for won 5-1 this morning. The standard isn't high and the fitness levels of most the players is really low so it's quite comfortable for my friends in team, who nearly all have rugby training 3 times a week. In fact the match acted like a warm down from Rugby yesterday, which made it really enjoyable. Obviously winning 5-1 helped too.
We also have a really nice kit: I have the number 13 shirt. Unlucky for some eh? Fortunately all superstition is bullshit so, unlike most of the team, I'm happy to wear it.
After football I went to visit my Grandpa who’s at home now. He's walking around and I was so relieved to see him moving about again. It's brilliant to see him doing better.
Then, for the first time this weekend, I relaxed at home. I've never been so tired at the end of a weekend and literally hadn't had any free time whatsoever until this afternoon. I read through my politics text book and redrafted my Personal Statement as well as attempting to teach myself a new song on guitar. Usually, that would all be quite a bit of work but compared to what I've been up to of late that didn't seem like much at all.
Today I learnt that being this tired at the end of a weekend is worth it for an extra 90 minutes of football.
I started to learn how to play 'Mary' by The Subways on guitar. I'm trying to teach it to myself and it's kind of tricky but I'll get there eventually.
I learnt what 'Utilitarianism' is and that seeing Grandpa go down the stairs, a normally mundane task, can actually make my weekend despite everything else that happened.

Fully Digest

Rugby didn't go well. We lost 27-15. It was lost in the forwards and by a few silly mistakes on our part. Very disappointing.
Fortunately I had Spurs to lighten me up. Defoe scores a great goal in the opening minute. Then we realise there is at least 89 minutes to go and that resulted in us eventually losing 3-1. Again - very disappointing. We cemented our loss with an epic MacDonald’s meal that will stay with me for ages. Not because it was memorable or anything - just that the meal was so large it'll take me a few days to fully digest.
I got home from the game and went straight to Angel where some people were hanging.
I got talking to this girl who I always had a distinct impression of and our 20 minute conversation altered my perspective of her. It's great when, through friendly chat, you begin to see somebody's true colours and discover that your first impression was inaccurate. Usually first impressions dictate your attitude to somebody for quite a long period of time. It's a dogmatic process that doesn't really help anyone but I think all of us do it.
Today I learnt that it's worth trying to get to know people even if you didn't like them at first. I learnt that people's eccentricities are often unrelated to how a person really is under the surface.

What A Great Deal

"I'm not a very good driver so sorry if I crash" said Brad as we pulled out my drive.

Definitely not the most encouraging thing to hear as you start a car journey...

However, Brad did manage to get us to Bower's on time (despite almost killing us on several occasions) and we set off to the open day at around 7.45am which took us two hours. I wasn't ready when Brad arrived to pick me up (early) as I assumed he would be late - so there was an inversion of our usual selves. He enjoyed rubbing that in.

The University was really impressive and I enjoyed it far more than Leeds - the only other University I've visited. It helps that the courses I want to take (either History or Politics) are far better established at Nottingham and also I had an awful day at Leeds which I'm sure dampened the experience.
The campus was huge, with lots of greenery and impressive facilities. And no, I haven't been paid to promote the campus - I genuinely thought it was great. It fitted the idyllic image of what I imagine a University to look like. Leeds altered that perspective for me and I wasn't a massive fan because of it.
The accommodation was, in some parts, similar to my room at Loughborough and in other buildings it was far better. I would only want to spend my first year in digs because I'd hope to get a few friends together and rent out a flat somewhere in the town. Who knows what'll happen.

After visiting the Uni Brad came back to mine as his family were coming over for dinner. We watched Derren Brown's reveal of how he predicted the lottery. If anyone hasn't seen that then here it is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHZ2mQczkcg
I don't believe his explanation. I think he just used a split screen. I'm a massive fan of his and his book is one of my favourites but I just can't bring myself to buy his explaination. I wonder what everyone else thinks. Maybe I'm just a sceptic!? I suppose it could be worse. I could be like the people who say, "OH MY GOD HE'S PSYCIC"
These people are actual morons.

An incredibly busy weekend is ahead of me. It's going to be extremely hard to fit in work so every spare moment will be important as I have shed loads to cover. Tomorrow I get up for rugby at 8am which is quite late for an away game. We are playing Latymer Upper - a team that we can beat. Fingers crossed. I made the 1st XV and I'm delighted. Still, I'm going to really have to perform because there are a handful of people pushing for my place.
After that I'm going straight to the Spurs Man United game and then going out in the evening. My prediction is 2-1 to Spurs or a nil nil draw like last year. I'm optimistic for a change. My dear, dear Tottenham have had their best start to a season in my lifetime. Plus Defoe and Redknapp just picked up Player and Manager of the Month Awards.
Sunday I have Athletic Bilbaum in the morning and I'm visiting my Grandpa in the afternoon so have the rest of that day to work. I'm very busy in the next few days! I want to take quite a few pictures because it spices up the blog slightly. Not that this blog needs spicing up of course.

Today I learnt to trust my friends a little more. About a month ago I mentioned how I felt as if I dished out my trust too freely but I think I need to adjust that. I simply assumed Brad would be late and should have had more faith in his reliability. Obviously this instance isn't a big deal as I only took an extra 3 minutes but the principle behind it bothered me.
I learnt about Nottingham University and that I wouldn't be disheartened if I went there instead of Oxford.
I learnt I hate that sauce that gets put on chicken which gives it a yellowish colour. I learnt about it the hard and only way, paying £4.00 in the process. What a great deal.

Hectic

This morning started really well because my politics class get to have a breakfast every Thursday with a helping to free chocolate croissants, coffee and biscuits. So there is perks to having a lunatic hippie for a teacher who reckons we should never turn on the 'unnatural lighting' and feast rather than take our A Levels seriously! Although I wouldn't ever say that to her because she's actually rather nice and...free croissants...no-brainer really.

I'm getting up at 6.15am and missing school tomorrow to go to an open day at Nottingham University. Look at how nice it looks! I plan to look up that course I mentioned ages ago and see what it's like. Also I'm going to check out the campus and the general area. Nottingham will be my back up if my application to Oxford fails and to be honest I don't really have highest of hopes.

The rugby team for Saturday's first game goes up tomorrow and I'm not going to be there to read it nor am I going to be at school for training. Never before have I been nervous about hearing news regarding my position in the rugby team. I suppose that’s a good sign though! Stupidly I forgot to tell my coach about my trip to Nottingham. I hope that doesn't get me dropped...
The teacher writing my reference held a meeting with me today and bollocked the shit out of me for not having made enough progress regarding my UCAS application and personal statement. She is a terrifying woman and I was suitably terrified. So this evening I rewrote the whole thing and emailed it to her as well as all but finishing the application. I had to miss having lunch out of school due to a UCAS session during lunch break which I had to go to and that annoyed me because I was looking forward getting a meal in Hampstead. I suppose it shouldn't annoy me at all - I need to get my priorities sorted!
Although applying is going to be hectic, I really don't see why I couldn't get into Oxford and from now on I'm going to make a real effort to make it happen. If it doesn't work out then so be it but there isn't any harm in trying.
Either way the prospect of University is currently more appealing than it ever has been. I can't wait to get started and all this talk about possible universities makes me more excited. My Dad has always encouraged me to 'get as far away from home as possible' but location has never really been an issue for me. His advice isn't due to him wanting to get rid of me (I don't think it is anyway) it's more to do with the notion of having to fend for yourself and learn to live in the 'real world' like he had to do. Also his mother is a nutter and he's still scared of her but for some reason he never mentioned that...
Today I learnt that my somewhat lackadaisical attitude of 'it'll all sort itself out' has got to stop if I'm ever going to get into Oxford.
I learnt that school rugby, however unimportant or mundane, means a lot more to me than I realised.
I learnt how to play 'Knockin' on Heaven's Door' on guitar.

Try and Do Something New

A new backs coach has been drafted in for rugby this year and it's about time too. Finally, the school are taking sport more seriously and recognising we are going to have to try and do something new if we're going to win more than just 2 games like last year. We act all 'laddish' and cocky (despite the fact we're all posh) but this new coach, Matt, comes along and scares us shitless, transforming a load of 16-18 year olds into little year 7s. So this afternoon we had one of the most productive sessions we've had in years, which was brilliant. We'll still probably get dicked on though...
Watched England murder Croatia in the evening but by myself sadly. It's always better to watch football with others and I even I tried watching it with my Mum but she was far more interested in David Beckham's tatoos and 'why that player is so small'. Amazing.
Today I learnt that a no nonsense attitude of a coach is enough to bring out the shy little child in all of us. It was quite funny because this guy Matt is about 5'6 and its hilarious how his snarl made us all quiver in respectful fear. Still, I wouldn't want to ruffle his feathers...
I learnt the main differences between socialism and communisim (in my own time so I count that).

I'm going to write a more interesting post in the coming days so hang in there!

Happy Slap A Teacher

God is a conniving little bastard...2 weeks of shitty weather and then BAM - it's getting all 27 degrees on your ass!
In fact it felt so summery today that I was enticed into taking this photo: It's nice how a sunny day like today can put everyone in a good mood because it makes a school day seem more bearable.
I really don't have anything of value to write today (not that I really ever do) because school just seems to dominate everything. My plan is to try and write a couple of 'in-depth' posts per week where I write a proper article or something because I'm just so god damn intellectual...and am running out of other ideas.
With that said, I want to keep this interesting as so far I've posted over 30 times and it's still going strong.
Even though I foresaw how difficult it will be to follow this idea whilst I'm at school I didn't anticipate it being this hard! So in order to fix this 'problem' I intend to spend more free periods at school doing homework so I have more time at home to try and learn something new. That's definitely easier said then done because we just figured out how to beat the school firewall on the computers...
Writing this blog has really opened my eyes as to how consuming school is and if I want my last year to stand out from the others then I'm going to act on it! Maybe Maybe I'll happy slap a teacher or moon the headmaster during assembly? Expulsion would certainly make this year different...
Today I learnt how to play 'Ain't No Sunshine' on guitar which is sadly all I learnt aside from schoolwork.

Return of the Routine

Even though I haven't been having proper lie in's for the most part of the summer getting up at 7am was hard. My waking up 'process' never goes well either;
...Alarm rings...shut it off...alarm rings again...shut it off again...
...oh shit I've overslept...
...that fucking alarm didn't wake me up...I should get a new one...

School doesn't seem to change much. It gives off that weary feeling that you never left - like summer never happened. Although I'm obsessively organised (neurotic, I've been told) I don't like the idea of the school routine taking over everything I do. I don't want this coming year to fizzle out before me and just pass by.
I'm not going to suddenly 'stick it to the man', begin wearing bandana's and dye the school's swimming pool pink but oddly it's as if school is somewhat restricting. I've never thought about that before today, which makes it extremely out of the blue as I'm staring my 13th and final school year and that thought never once crossed my mind before.
Restricting on what?
I'm not sure exactly. What a rubbish answer.
Here's a cheeky quote from Mark Twain; "I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."That's what I feel all of a sudden. Like there are things out there in the wider world that cannot possibly be learnt at school. It’s a vague quote and a vague notion that doesn't really mean anything specific other than school can restrict a 'true' education. I think it sums up what I'm trying to say. I've always remembered that quote and appreciated it but for some reason I can relate to it now when previously it had been nothing more than witism. Also, check out that tache. You've got to trust a man with that kind of commitment.

Writing here is going to become increasingly difficult due to the return of the routine. I can't do what I want during the day now (like go to the park - ROCK ON!) and what I'm learning will predominantly be about history, politics or geography. I want to avoid just noting down a few disjointed and randomly inserted facts. Besides, I read somewhere that you only remember 80% of what you cover during lessons each day...

For me this is the real tester.

Today I learnt how your natural reaction to seeing somebody for the first time in 10 weeks can show how much you actually like them and sometimes it surprises you.
I learnt the basic crux of Marxism and about how a Free Market Economy functions.
I learnt that when we having a rugby session after school that leads us nowhere it can be so unbelievably frustrating and finally I learnt that my position in the 1st XV isn't as secure as I thought.

Comfortable

Started the day off with a 6-1 thumping of this team Athletic Bilbaum played. I scored, which I was pleased about. Scott gave me a lift there and back. If I passed my test then maybe I could be giving people lifts!
In all honestly the game was quite boring as we were in total control of the match and weren't really tested that much. It also gets frustrating when older guys, who really aren't very good at football (some may even call them footballing retards), boss you around just because you're a few years their junior. I suppose that's what comes with playing in this team.
Football took my mind of other things and made me feel a little perkier. This got dragged down slightly when I turned my phone on and checked my Facebook, realising that my sudden leave from my friends last night raised a few eyebrows. I shouldn't have gone out in the mental state I was in. Oh well, it's all sorted now.
I went over some background on Stalin for history, which I'm sure you're riveted to hear about and I reread some of my politics notes. My teacher for politics doesn't want to teach us using a textbook becuase she's an aging hippie who thinks text books are the 'work of mother chaos' or something. This being a woman, who only wears sandals, hasn't cut her hair in 20 years, has lots of tattoos and 'doesn't like artificial light'. I reckon if I poured water on her she'd melt...
I looked up a few textbooks that I plan to buy tomorrow during lunch break. I think we should be allowed to learn how we want to and I would prefer being aided by a textbook. I'm in my last year of school ever and I refuse to let my favourite subject slip up because of my teacher's eccentricities.
Was meant to have a friend round today but she fell asleep about 10 minutes before I was expecting her and then didn't come round. What a lazy bish!I was pretty miffed but that at least allowed me to finish off some more work.
That's the school work that I've had the entire summer to finish but only really started to worry about in the last few hours.
I'm going back to school tomorrow and I feel genuinely exciting about it. As Sam put it - its the 'last first day ever'.
How freaky is that!?
Suddenly that structure and routine that I'm so adapted to will be blown out of the water. It's not as frightening as that description depicts it though. I can't wait to leave school. Not because I don't enjoy it - I love my school with a passion - but because I feel as if I'm ready to move into the 'real world' and try and make something of myself.
Today I learnt that keeping some specific things to myself can make people feel as if I don't want to talk to them and I that can upset them. I could have avoided that whole episode that stemmed from last night by realising I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to go out. It created an unnecessary drama.
I learnt I don't like to keep things from people, especially when all they want to do is help me but equally I learnt that I should only tell people something personal if I feel completely comfortable with doing so.
I learnt about the Purges in Russia and about how Stalin came to power.
I learnt that, despite what I used to think, I really do have ambition.

Worth Raising an Eyebrow to

Today my grandpa looked at me in the eye and said 'I was very ill Samuel'. Tears were in his eyes and his voice was quivering. And there's me sitting next to his hospital bed - almost 18 and in good health. It had finally hit home and Grandpa realised that he nearly died the other day. He is just skin and bone. Completely frail. This being the man I remember playing football with when I was small, now confined to a hospital bed. It's crazy how I thought I had problems. It's surreal writing that.
He also said that 'if you can't smile and laugh then what's the point?’ It scared me how he was trying to convey as many life lessons as he possibly could in the 40 minutes I was there. It's not unusual I suppose. He wants to pass on what he has learnt - not in a day - but over his whole life and desperately. Twenty minutes is about how long it takes me to sum up a whole day. So, for him to come out with a single sentence seems as if its his own life summary and if that’s what 70+ years taught him then I bloody well should listen. I'm going to do everything I possibly can to make sure I smile and laugh as much as is humanly possible.
Sorry for getting all righteous on you. People nearly lose others every day. It affects them in different ways and this is just how it affected me. I’m not going to make the mistake of 'Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself' and preach out a message to all that only applies to myself but what I am going to point out is that sometimes things aren't even worth raising an eyebrow to.

Everything around me seems so irrelevant suddenly. It'll probably pass.

I don't know why seeing Grandpa has resulted in me thinking like this. Maybe I'm just a bit startled and this feeling will die down but at the moment I cannot see the point in anything that won't make me happy. A lot of things that bother me are of no relevancy to anything - to the bigger picture. To the things that really, really matter like family, like true friends - people who can tell when you're feeling down and who care. This is embaressing because part of me feels as if I will look back at this entry and think I went way over the top. I'm sure my opinion on this matter is just presently extreme and would thin in the morning. Right now, I'm adamant about it.
No, I'm not going to suddenly discard anything that falls outside those two categories. There are plenty of activities I enjoy doing that make me happy and if they are adding direction to reaching that ultimate goal then they should stay present as long as possible.
This isn't meant to be a depressing post. My Grandpa is supposed to be going home soon. I just want to attempt to convey the idea that, for me, looking at the bigger picture is probably the best thing to do whenever you feel confused or unsure of what you want. I felt guilty for going out tonight when he has to be like that.
Today I learnt that some things are completely and utterly irrelevant. I learnt how I need to just move on and put my own interests first sometimes. I don't do that and act as a doormat to far too many people. I learnt that I value my family more than I thought was humanly possible. I learnt that the wise words of my Grandpa can have a far deeper affect on someone than he could have imagined.

A Textbook Definition

Stayed over at a friend's last night which is why I missed yesterday's post.

Had a really difficult day as I decided to embark on the perilous journey that is the writing of my personal statement. It's bloody impossible. I did, however, manage to finish a coherent attempt after about two hours of grafting and feel satisfied enough to hand it in as a first draft when I got back to school on Monday.
Later I realised I had no plans for the day and was still physically exhausted from rugby, which resulted in me falling asleep whilst trying to read The Ghost Road by Pat Barker. I really don't like it when you close your eyes 'just to rest' and, upon opening them, note that it’s 2 and half hours later.
I spent almost the whole day in my room (I'm not a hermit) and eventually played guitar for three hours straight. I'm really trying hard to write some songs but the fact I know so little makes it difficult. My fingers got so soar I ran them under cold water. I'm not a pussy...
It was one of those days that granted me a choice. Either to sit around and not achieve anything in particular or to actually make a concerted effort to learn something. So, I got hold of this enormous book on the American Civil War that I had lying around and began to read it.

WARNING: the following paragraph may bore you...

No seriously its really, really dry.

I've always been fascinated with that period of history. 2% of the entire population died - 600,000 Americans - in what is seen as the first modern conflict. The whole background to it is really interesting too. Lincon is idealised as the president who ended slavery but equally some see him as a tyrant who went against democratic principles. Basically the 13 Confederate states broke away from the Union - perfectly within their democratic rights but this resulted in war. I suppose Big Abe was left with the dilemma of political ideals vs. morality. Often a toughie.
I also learnt that a man called Wilmer Mclean lived on the field of the first major battle of the war. Due to this he moved his family elsewhere to the house where Robert E Lee (head of confederate forces) surrendered to Grant (head of Union forces). So, quite literally, as Mclean put it - "the war began in my front yard and ended in my front parlour". As coincidences go that's got to be up there with the best. A textbook definition. I learnt a load more but will save anyone reading this the pleasure.

Most importantly, today I learnt that sometimes it'll take a lot of initiative for me to get anywhere near achieving the goal I've set myself. Although what I learnt yesterday is seemingly a total bore for every human being known to exist, I still learnt something that I found interesting and therefore adjudge it as a success. Reading up on a topic that interests me is so much more worthwhile that just sitting around and not doing anything of any significance.

Wizards on the Pitch

My entire body is throbbing and I'm more immobile than a crippled snail. Loughborough took it out of me (I find it hard to look to the right) as well the entire squad so tonight I can't wait to just get into bed and get a good 10+ hours sleep.We did some fitness tests and I performed really quite poorly. Way below my expectations anyway, especially in the 40m sprint where I managed a poor 5.61s. I was running 5.9s on that distance when I was 12 and was genuinely peeved when I came to the realisation that my acceleration has gotten so poor. I'm a winger which makes that fact even harder to bare.
We trained hard and stayed the night at some of the university digs. Everyone had their own room which allowed us to get a good night's sleep. Today we travelled to a school called Princethorpe, which looked like Hogwarts. The other team were no wizards on the pitch (hilarious joke) but we still managed to just lose a very closely contested game. I worry that this season will no go well after all.
I went to a party on the heath in the evening which wasn't worth it and left around 11. I've been so tired today so I'm unsure as to why I decided to go.
This post is extra short as I'm completely shattered and want to go to bed more than anything.
In the last few days I learnt that I'm not as pacey as I once was and not as quick as I was so sure I was. So to fix that I'm going to start sprint training regularly. Writing that down here holds me to it and I'm confident that I will be able to get sub 5.40s by the end of the season.
I learnt that I need to be able to just say no to going out. It's getting ridiculous. I'm so afraid of missing out on something that I just go to everything even if I'm so physically tired that I walk like a penguin.
Also I learnt that staying in digs at uni wouldn't be such bad thing.

Fully Functioning Adults

The frequency that I have been going to the gym has thinned out and that showed today. We had our first rugby session of the year and not only did I feel as if I was going to collapse by the end but I managed to completely screw up my neck. Major ouch. I currently have an ice pack bundled over my shoulder in an attempt to stop the swelling. Still going to Loughborough.
I looked forward to the session today so much and I rediscovered how I really love playing rugby for the school. I'm in the top year now and find it odd how intimidated the year below's seem by my year. They mostly look our age and act like we do. It seems bizarre how some of us could possibly be intimidating especially because we are very possibly the smallest and weediest rugby team the world has ever seen.
Straight from training I went to Simon's 18th birthday BBQ. It's so odd that I have a friend who is 18 and that I'm going to be that age in just over a month. We really don't act like adults for the most part. It's somewhat scary that in no time at all we will be fending for ourselves and fully functioning adults. Maybe its time we pulled our socks up and started acting our age. I'm undecided if forcing that natural process of maturity is healthy though...
Even though I learnt very little I had a nice day. I was put into a good mood from the moment I woke up by a lovely message from a friend. I wish I could read something like that every morning because then every day would start off so pleasantly.
Today I learnt that it was a mistake to bypass my formally obsessive gym-going and that it's important I give everything I have this season in rugby. I have to set an example for the younger guys and it's my last year. I want all of us to go out with a bang.
I also learnt how to work one of those cheap ready-made barbeques and yes, I am embarrassed I couldn't do that before this afternoon.

Also, on a side note, we left our tent at Reading as we couldn't be bothered to carry the bloody thing home. This is how it looked 2 hours after we left:
I didn't learn anything from this other than if you leave a massive tent at a festival it will get trashed.